Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I looked at my own cervix.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
