the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
