Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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