A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
