I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
