my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What part of āthe stripper has a gun, we need to leaveā is confusing you? Sheās drunk, sheās fucking crazy and NOW SHEāS PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
