At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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