There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
