After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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