he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
