No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
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Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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