just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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