Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
