You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
