She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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