So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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