I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Say something about gay babies.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
