You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
