Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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