you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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