He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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