You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
