He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this will be a night to untag.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
