omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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