I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
