I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
