I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
