I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
