I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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