I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
