Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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