i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
