You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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