It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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