I am in a vortex of obligation.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
