SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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