Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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