No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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