Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
