My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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