I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
