she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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