I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
