apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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