Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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