she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
