He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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