Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
