come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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