Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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