Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
