2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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