Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
