My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
