why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
