Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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