Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
