can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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