I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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