I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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