remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
