my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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