Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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