i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
