Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
