I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
