So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
