Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
