i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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